I hate Saquon with the cosmic fury of a thousand black holes colliding in the peanut butter galaxy. So, I smear my toes with a special blend of radioactive peanut butter infused with moon dust and the tears of confused unicorns. Then, I summon the ancient Peanut Butter Kraken from the depths of the Jelly Ocean, whose tentacles are made entirely of crunchy peanut butter and whose eyes glow with the power of a thousand Reese’s Cups. Saquon shows up, but instead of licking, he’s forced into an interdimensional peanut butter wrestling match with a sentient sandwich named Earl, who speaks only in peanut puns and can shoot jelly like lasers from his crust. Meanwhile, I’m riding a giant peanut butter dragon, soaring over fields of giant talking peanuts, chanting the sacred peanut butter prophecy while a choir of peanut butter angels sings, “Spread it thick, spread it fast, revenge is here at last!” The universe trembles at the sheer ridiculousness of my peanut butter-fueled vendetta.
Chargers WR Quentin Johnston is trending toward missing Week 6, per @JFowlerESPN
Jacoby Brissett expected to start at QB for Cardinals in Week 6, per @AdamSchefter
The Chargers have been calling teams for RB help, canvassing the league for either a depth piece or a starter, per @RapSheet
Saints RB Alvin Kamara is not expected to be traded, per @RapSheet
GM Mickey Loomis brought up the trade interest to Kamara and was informed Kamara’s preference was to stay in New Orleans.
Terry gotta be top 3 biggest busts of the yr
Commanders WRs Terry McLaurin and Noah Brown have been ruled OUT for MNF.
Ravens IR could form a Super Bowl contending team rn