Hot Takes
Meatsauce15• 10 hr ago
Dear Bijan Robinson,
I hope this message finds you well, and I want to start by saying how much I admire your talent and dedication on the field. Your performance this season has been nothing short of spectacular, and as a devoted fan, I have always believed in your abilities. However, today, I am reaching out with a plea that goes beyond mere admiration – it’s a desperate cry for help.
My fantasy football team is in dire straits, and I find myself in a situation where your extraordinary skills could be the difference between victory and defeat. I know it might sound like an exaggeration, but I genuinely need you to score 40 fantasy points this week. It’s a tall order, but if anyone can rise to the occasion, it’s you. Your agility, speed, and vision on the field have given me hope in the past, and I’m counting on you to deliver once again.
The stakes are incredibly high for me. You see, Diddy, my friend, has made it clear that if I don’t win this week, he’s going to do some very weird things to me. I can’t even begin to describe the bizarre scenarios he’s concocted, and I’d rather not find out firsthand. This is why I’m turning to you, Bijan, with a sincere and desperate heart. Your performance could save me from a world of awkwardness and discomfort.
I know that every game is a team effort, and I respect that you’re not out there alone. But I also believe in the power of individual brilliance, and you have consistently shown that you possess it. Please, for the sake of my fantasy team and my own peace of mind, give it your all this week. Score those 40 points and carry my team to victory. I’m counting on you more than ever, and I know you won’t let me down.
With utmost sincerity and desperation,
your pookie
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